A new haiku. Will you please c/c?

Question

steady current
taking almost everything...
the still moon

This haiku expresses the thought that the current is taking everything downstream, except for the moons reflection. It will be published in Dark Pens Magazine, a journal I help edit (Chase Fire is my pen name)

http://www.darkpens.com/

Answer 1

The first line shows the movement, the action. The second line clarifies that it is "taking almost everything".The last line verifies that it is not taking the moon because the moon is still.

Every thing is in action but the "still Moon".



Very good,for a young Pip

Answer 2

I think it's a really good Haiku with a lot of meaning, but factually a haiku is suppose to have 5 syllables for the first line, 7 syllables for the second line (That one you got right), and 5 syllables for the third line.



The Haiku could be:



A steady current,

taking almost everything,

except the still moon.



EDIT: Oh okay sorry about that, but yes I do like your Haiku. Good job!

Answer 3

I like the gist of this Haiku,

but think you could clarify

and unify it with your final line,

something like

forgetting the Moon

or

Leaving the Moon

or

Except the shimmering moon

or

Leaving me and the moon.

Answer 4

I understand that here, we are, running after everything - but it does not matter in the face of eternity - the still Moon.