So I have ANOTHER poem. Is this one a good poem?

Question

If I could, I would

If I could
I would talk back
I would start a riot
I would get my pack

If I could
I would run away
And never come back
Another day

If I could
I would die
It's the last resort
I might try

I'd go to sleep
And never care
That what I'm doing
Might be too hard to bear

I'd take a knife
And I'd cut deep
I'd cut myself
Into a sleep

I'd take a gun
And shot a hole
Through myself
So I'm no longer whole

But I'm already broken
My heart has been stun
It's been through a lot
And it's not fun

Even though I say these things
I know I am too weak
To carry out my threats
Too weak to even speak


So yeah, this was another poem i wrote while it was raining
i came up with the "I would run away and never come back another day" part from the rain rain go away never come back another day" chant thingy
It was also probably night and that kinda gets me in a more poem writing mood more than ever and this might also be a little bit depressing cause i had also just had read a kinda depressing book...

One of the things i had once had but had taken out was what had been the beginning of the poem it went like this....


Time seems to slow
While they wait expectantly
For the "perfect" answer
That is supposed to come from me

I give the correct answer
While holding back a retort
I'm trying not to do
My very last resort



So from what I am guessing from the clues in the poem, i had written this while it was raining during the night right after school (most likely a wednesday night) around midnight or two in the morning or something like that
I think it was after school because at school every one kinda thinks im some sort of genius but i know i am not a genius but they kinda pressure me and i HATE it... so this is one of my depressing poems

Answer 1

Ok I got bored, so I read this poem in a rap voice and yea I learned much from that rap lol. The rap showed me that your poem needs to flow a tad bit better, some of the lines need to be reworded, but overall the emotion is there and images.

Answer 2

Hi i'm Shaylah... This poem is very interesting.... I LIKE IT!! .... You remind me a lot of myself... I write poetry, and sometimes my poems sounds like an emo person wrote them, but writing is the only way I can express my pain and anger.... But yeahh, anyway I think it's good, keep writing... Maybe I should put some of my poetry on here!!!! :D

Answer 3

Me=major depressive disorder



your poem=loved it,