new haiku. can you take a look?

Question

okay first i wanna say sorry for not being on alot. lifes been hell haha. but yaa here :)

Both so far away,
gazing past the midnight sky-
at the same full moon.

i wrote this cuz my gf had to go to the hospital really far away....now i wont see her on christmas :P agin :P but i cALLED HER, TOLD HER TOO LOOK AT THE MOON WILE I WAS. why was that in caps? oh well too lazy to re type it. well anyways it was romantic so i wrote a haiku. this one hasent been edited yet.

Answer 1

This is a deceptively simple verse.

Read it a few times and relate it

to something, perhaps an incident or person

in your past.

Suddenly you see the depth therein of this composition.

"Both" and "same" are your key, linking words.

In my opinion, no editing is needed. I think you have this nailed.

Well written, Stephan.

Answer 2

Hi Stephan,



What a sweet sentiment and Haiku. I hope your GF is healing well, and will make a full recovery. I hope too, that you guys get more chances to talk through Christmas.

Answer 3

Yes, I kinda missed a lot.

Your haikus I mean.

This ones needs a little reworking though.

Somewhat Plain Jane by your usual standards.

Hope she gets well soon.

And you write more.

Your video is very commendable.

God bless.

Answer 4

Not bad. Keep writing.

I'd say more, but if you write

you'll find the right words.