a poem is like a butterfly?

Question

Like spider webs and gossamer wings
A powerful poem is a fragile thing
Tweak it too much and it loses it's bite
It's impact can lessen with each rewrite
What started as moving can soon become tame
even changing one word can render it lame.

But when those lacy wings unfold
The result is something to behold
They can lift your soul to unknown places
Or shine a light in unknown spaces.
That silken thread can cut like wire
And set your frontal-lobes on fire.

So take it from this lesson learned
A poem is like a rock unturned.

Answer 1

I enjoyed this poem and can relate to it. There is a fine line when it comes to editing. A powerful poem is a fragile thing - yes indeed it is. Too much tweaking and it can turn it into something else entirely.

Answer 2

So, are you saying editing is not needed? Try this stanza with some edits:



Like spider webs and gossamer wings

A powerful poem, a fragile thing

Tweak too much, it loses bite

It's impact can lessen with rewrite

What started as moving can become tame

even changing a word can render it lame.



Somewhat ambivalent on your ending. I would have liked to have seen the tie-in of how a poem can fly, yet the words when said well become a 'rock' with gossamer wings.



Edit: Don't disagree with the idea of too many changes but read and you will understand that the masters seldom scored a direct hit on their first drafts. Great poems evolve. It might only be minor editing or it could be major 'tweaks'. You as the poet though, decide in the end. While I still laugh at some of my recent poems, I really laugh at most of what I wrote in my 20's. And I thought they were so good.... lol

Answer 3

I respect neon but I feel BG has a point, which in effect complements your poem. This is the poetic follow-up to your recent question that queried messing around with a piece of writing until it vanishes! 'They can lift your soul to unknown places/Or shine a light in unknown spaces.' Yes, that is what I get from a superb poem: a phrase or image that perhaps means one thing to the poet and then becomes a key to unlock something in the reader's mind. This is nothing like Ted Hughes' poem .Thought Fox' but it is in that vein of exploring what poets feel as they get down to the nitty gritty of trying to create a poem - brilliant, a really good write. Like you say, 'too much and ya got a pile' . . . ! I've just read it again and was hit with, 'But when those lacy wings unfold' - there are some excellent lines in this. Can't praise it enough. No disrespect to neon but I say, leave it as it is!

Answer 4

All the top contributors have already answered. I was also a top contributor earlier, but lost that badge as I have not answered for some time.



"Like spider webs and gossamer wings

A powerful poem is a fragile thing"



The beginning has created a strong image with an uplifting sense.

And the idea has flown well with that unfolding image wonderfully and ended with another thoughtful and down-to-earth image 'like a rock unturned'.



I feel you need not tinker anymore. But you have the freedom to edit. You have already crafted it well. You can still make it shine with gentle brushing.

Answer 5

Neon, Cheesy is writing about the general consensus for one of his untitled poems - most everyone thought the first one was the most powerful. Editing and tweaking can be two different things. Editing can be correcting grammatical or punctuation errors and perhaps dropping or adding a word for rhythmic purposes. When an imperfect yet really good poem gets too tweaked, it makes it seem a faded copy of the first version. I've seen that on more than one occasion, so I am careful not to over-tweak anything for anyone.

Answer 6

I lost a poem for all the tweaking it became something other than the intended, It was adopted by a sister .. it was her and it became ... tweaking it to take it back as mine did not do the trick, it was hers by way of rite, and although I wrote it.. well there we go..

sometimes a gift is given that is to be handed on to the next

this is a nice poem. It does not stink, Chuck is right about editing out a few words, yes, but when we change a butterfly into a moth or a caterpillar into a worm it kind of messes up our minds.

good morning, I think I am dressed ... time to go to church, pray for me, I will pray for you.

Answer 7

I swear. I swear, you really are wonderful (if it's your own.)

Really breathtaking. No one else had delineated a poem much precisely, in much narrowed (focussed) an approach like this!

I hope you become a poet... Absolutely awesome. All the best.

Answer 8

OK I loved it in a poetic sense, but more. I felt the message, deep seated.

This was profound.