alright, tell me what you think?

Question

[insert title here]

A red line,
trickling down,
dribbling to the floor.

A wrist,
soft and supple;
an object of release.

Blue,
a vein,
easily punctured.

Dead eyes,
out of focus,
while the blood descends.

the memories forgotten.
A twisted release,
for a tortured soul.

Answer 1

I think its very good...but also very sad....but it definitely has a great impact with its clear message. Good writing. Good expression.

But remember, if it pertains to you, things will get better..Good Luck.



oh..btw, the title should be a 'Twisted Release' as you mentioned....*

Answer 2

I think the poem's more spattered then spelled. Try aligning it and slate dead matter into the work, like a story or more, like a love story. Example:



A wrist,

soft and supple; your flown smiles in the winds;

an object of release.



Blue,

a vein; the separation of worlds, ours;

easily punctured.



Remedy for the malady. ;)

Answer 3

Nice poem. A great poetry website to post poems and get comment feedback is http://unitedworldpoets.com/

Answer 4

how brutal.

but i love dark poetry and i love ur peom.



9 and a half upon 10.

Answer 5

It`s murder

you kill yourself,

my goodness.

Answer 6

you need help, Professional help