This is prose, not poetry, a section from a children's story I wrote. Do you like it?

Question

MR. FROG HAS A STRANGE DREAM

And this what appeared to Mr. Frog as he entered the world of dreams.

He found himself at home, sitting on his terrace, before a broad expanse of lilies with the water all around. A fog arose and came over the water, and the wind made puffs of ghost-like mist, which rose and fell around him.

Where the fog was thick, the light was very dim. Yet there were clearings, where pockets of light shined brightly through the air. And the light formed high columns from the sky to the valley floor. Mr. Frog felt as if he were in a great cathedral! He sat transfixed and sensed that heaven was around him, but he knew not where!

Then the water lilies moved and came together. Directly in front of Mr. Frog, in the center of the pond, they formed a walkway where the water cranes appeared. The cranes walked towards him In a line, with huge folded wings, long spindly legs and tiny pairs of close-set eyes. They came like flowing splinters of whiteness, carving striking figures in the misty air.

The first approached Mr. Frog (He seemed to carry some sort of authority,) and spoke. (Crane) Mr. Frog, we have been asked to intercede on your behalf, as your case has come under the advisement of our superiors. Therefore let us help you; please do not resist. Come with us. And they led him away, and the fog continued to swirl around them.

They came to the mouth of a large cave and entered, and the First Crane spoke again to Mr. Frog. Do you know who we are, Mr. Frog? No, he answered. We have come to show you what will be, Mr. Frog. Your future is very much in doubt, and it would serve you well to pay attention to what we have to show you!

All of this was obviously quite out of the ordinary, and Mr. Frog struggled to gather his wits about him. What do you say then, Mr. Frog, are you with us?

Mustering his courage as well as his senses, Mr. Frog spoke to the First Crane. I do not pretend to know the future, even if it is my own. Perhaps you know more about these matters than I do.

(Cranes) You are very much like the others then Mr. Frog. You strive very hard to achieve the things you want, but you would not be able to recognize them if they were laid before you. Here is the future Mr. Frog. There is still time to make the alterations that may be needed for you to succeed. Tell us now what you would have us do. Speak now Mr. Frog!

(MF) I am merely a mortal and only a frog. What do I know about the lives we live and towards what ends we travel? I am just a Little Creature and barely know my own path from day to day. I would like to answer you, but cannot.

(Cranes) Then you leave these matters in our hands, Mr. Frog? And you will choose to accept the burdens of your fate, calmly and without struggle? You will not seek to assert your will against the forces that have predestined your life? You will choose to be acted upon in your life, and not to take action for yourself? Is this a correct assessment of your position, Mr. Frog?

(MF) I'm really not sure what to say. I shall try to be what I am and be the very best I can be. Now this I know. And I want what is good and what is right, as best as I can decipher these things. And I know that I want many things, but I'm not sure that it would be right to interfere with the way things were meant to be.

(Cranes) Well, Mr. Frog, we cannot discuss this any longer. We will have to accept that as your answer. We have no more time! We are only allowed a brief moment for these affairs. We must go back now, into the future, unless we are to be lost ... forever!

With that, the cranes rose gracefully through the mist and flew up and away - into time. And as the mist settled back in around Mr. Frog, he left the land of dreams and slept again, unaware of this world or any other.

Answer 1

I do like it - good use of imaginative vocabulary to create an atmospheric setting. As the person above said though, there are a few grammatical errors to correct. Overall I really like it though.

Answer 2

sure, i've got confidence this one. besides the indisputable fact that, your rhyme sequence is off, on a number of your lines. (your syllable count quantity could be a 7776, 7776, it rather is significant for the rhythm I see your poem like this:- lengthy in the past... could you meet me in this nook 7 interior the way forward for our lives7 Meet me two decades from now7 and look into my eyes 6 they think of that I won't love you 7 after all that element has passed7 Time's the only thank you to prove7 my love for you will last6 yet now two decades has passed7 interior the blinking of an eye7 I stood there on the nook 7 watching on your reply6 With that twinkle on your eye,7 And that smile for me alone7 I grinned up at my darlin', 7 retaining hands, strolling home6 And now when you consider which you have lived 7 purely some greater years than I 7 because of the fact opinionated 7 people will continuously try6 to grant their predictions 7 of issues they think of may be 7 They waged sorrow on your life7 and all because of the fact of me 6 fact... If existence went on continuously,7 Then my love could nevertheless be strong7 in no way had a element to do7 with proving all of them wrong6 i will nevertheless experience you with me, 7 your spirit is often near7 I communicate as though i understand Love, 7 the type you nevertheless can hear6 The ironies in existence although,7 seem to happen everyday7 so it did happen to me7 approximately those issues, they say6 you have left me all on my own 7 with critiques of the past7 could I possibly pay off all 7 who guess we does not final?6

Answer 3

Bad grammar.

Poor comma usage and punctuation.