Ode to a windlord, completed, Is it good?

Question

I tried to put all the lines to the iambic tempo, though I wouldn’t say the whole poem is iambic. It is still in terza rima.

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Ode to a Windlord


O eagle, you are the gale’s mighty blow!
Whose presence quakes the thunderclouds with fear
Your wind-borne wings and flight shall drive them low

And whip the skies with vicious torrents of air
To blow the sea into a raging bed
Whose roaring waves consume lives so dear

Majestic lord! Soar with your wings outspread
Around the mountain peak, your stony throne
Your chasing shadow fills all hearts with dread

No foe dares to near your palace of stone,
A kingly seat, where you rule, all alone
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I'm considering continuing this. Doesn't it look short?

With best wishes,
Lulleh

Answer 1

It is nicely written. It does not look short, but unfinished. So, not a question of size, but rather, I think the last lines call for more.

Answer 2

Nowadays, when somebody calls a poem an ode, I assume they mean something more generic, perhaps a paean (which is not an actual literary form). Moreover, the Greeks were much more ecumenical about the meaning of this term than we were at the height of our Hellenophilia in the eighteenth century. For example, our word rhapsody comes from an Attic Greek expression which meant a `stitched ode--' however, it then meant a fragment of an epic poem such as the Iliad or Odyssey, as it was widely understood that these types of poems were stitched together from a variety of sources; literally, `hê aoidê' simply was a song.



I like the first two tercets of this poem much more than the third, or the couplet. The idea of the eagle controlling the waves by his inadvertent flight takes on a metaphysical power that is more than mere hyperbole. I am afraid that with such an interesting philosophical beginning, you will either have to address this topic more than worthy of a real ode: or else you will need to rewrite the beginning or save the whole effort for later. The third tercet and couplet at this point are problematic, because the idea of this supernatural eagle having a home at all, even if it is a throne on a stony mountain peak which nobody dares attack, is quite a mundane disappointment. Nevertheless, I make this criticism understanding this poem started out as an experiment in terza rima-- and you would be justified in taking pleasure that it has blossomed into more than that.



For metre: I am very impressed with how quickly you have become quite proficient. Although four of the eleven lines are not quite iambic, as Mr S says, there are many fortresses of metre to storm. I shouldn't trust my ear so far to make this judgement justly, but to be rash instead I would say, two of the lines with anapests are well-justified (1 and 4), while the other two are also acceptable (6 and 10).



Overall: I agree with Annabella that there are no length stipulations, but this poem is definitely a fragment so far. And while it is true the 14 line terza rima stanza is sort-of an existing model in English, the Ode to the West Wind is a pretty poor technical model, even though I do have some reasons to harbour a fondness for its contents.

Answer 3

Yes, it's short for an ode, but there really isn't any "rule" that says "every" ode must have a minimum number of stanzas (although 14 lines in terza rima is one of the forms). You simpy need to say what you need to say and the number of stanzas it takes to do that is the number of stanzas you need.



As far as whether or not to use iambic or not, odes are written in a variety of meters. For example:



Sapphic ode: three hendecasyllabic lines of trochee, trochee, dactyl, trochee, trochee and a concluding line of dactyl, trochee



Horatian ode: two four-foot lines followed by two three-foot lines.



Pindaric ode: written in irregular meter, but which often settled on 14 line terza rima as the pattern.



Originally, odes were lyrical verses containing the strophe, the antistrophe, and the epode. Since Greek phrasing and pronounciation wasn't really well understood, there were many odes written that didn't really comply with the original intent. Roman odes were very lyrical and modeled on the Lesbian lyrists.



So, regardless of which form you wish to settle upon, the main thing is to settle on "one" form. If you're going to write in irregular lines, that's fine, just keep it lyrical, because the ode was meant to be sung, often accompanied by a lute or flute, so the lines need to roll easily off your tongue.



An ode is a celebration of "something"...a person, event, an object, etc. If you can read your lines and not feel your tongue stumble, then your meter and form is fine. Keep the voice natural and not contrived. I previously suggested iambic pentameter because it's usually easier for someone to be lyrical in that meter, but it's certainly not the only way to be lyrical and many of your lines, not written in all iambs, are indeed lyrical...just read these lines out loud and see how they "sound", because in the end that's what's important.



...and keep writing

Answer 4

There are quite a few metrical irregularities that I find distract me from your powerful imagery. You have inconstant syllable counts from one line to the next, and the metrical shifts, if used adeptly, could convey the wheeling and soaring of the poem's subject; instead, they marred the music of your verse. I do not claim to be an expert in poetry, and certainly do not write great verse (or verse even as good as I once did), but I would reconstruct your ode as follows:



Broad-pinioned sultan of the gale's harsh blow

Whose piercing gaze floods thunderclouds with fear

And beating wings conspire to drive them low



And freeze the very blood of all drawn near.

Your presence roils a calm sea from its bed

And fills with dread all that can see and hear.



Your wings are like a mighty phalanx spread

To conquer all who dare to stand alone.

Their clash of spears a tocsin that instead



Sounds victory and turns warm blood to stone,

And rules all things with terrors yet unknown.



Keep working on this piece. I admire your talent, passion, fortitude, discipline, and respect for the craft of poetry greatly and equally. Best wishes. friend

Answer 5

That's nicely written Rid.....and I am happy that you made an attempt to complete it. But you can continue it. Think of another section in the same terza rima pattern. Add some more aspects to it. It is something you can develop to a large scale. So keep the attempts going on.

Answer 6

I'm getting myself a little confused. I liked the rhythm of the first one better myself (I don't know why, iambs are just too happy and up lifting to sound serious I guess, and I like the sound of archaic words.), but this one does roll off the tongue a bit easier. And no, I don't think it is too short.

Also, you never want ALL your feet iambic--that would get monotonous for the reader.

Answer 7

I agree, terza rima is complicated considering is comparatively perplexing to make smart end rhymes in English in assessment with Italian. Your terza rima ode has countless metrical irregularities that disrupt its bypass, and subsequently make your verse - in spite of the incontrovertible fact that solid in its content textile - much less musical. that would make it mandatory to rewrite areas considerably. How do you like fast-pinioned sultan of the gale Who makes the grey clouds quake with concern And makes one thousand faces diminished etc... terrific needs, fellow poet

Answer 8

This is simply wonderful, either as it stands or as part of a larger piece. It has powerful, engaging imagery that paints a stunning picture of the eagle in his world. You have such talent, your poetry is always vivid and intense. Thank you.

Answer 9

Nice try my dear lad, You do have talent. This ode, is a bit short, compared to most of the odes written in english, but overall, quite good.

Answer 10

I love it the way it is, adding more to it will be as wonderful !As your talent is like the wings of birds it soars !! Cheers !!