Can You Hear Me? Not if my eyes are shut.?

Question

Can You Hear Me?


How can I be who you want me to be
When I don’t want to be who I am
What will it take to make you happy
If it takes your happiness to make me
What do I have to give to you
Why do you give all you have to me

In my black hole of emotional knowledge
Out of my mind with misguided guilt
Hoping for voids to be filled with pleasure
Hating the battles that make the war
Breaking straws that hold my back up
Draining life from over filled hearts

Clarity clouding over tranquil scenes
Dewdrop mornings of full moon days
Pacing the runners in this rat race
Moments captured from a lifetime lost
Hopeless haven for romantic gestures
Eternal cynic still seeking serenity

Show me the way to the edge
I promise not to jump off
If you’re out there come forward
Please steer me to the light

Please

©rad090503

Answer 1

First stanza strong, second stanza first line seemed to be off on meter as I read. Interesting first line on third stanza. At first it did not make sense and then, yes! Your last stanza shortened the beats? Line 2 seemed weak to me. The last line too me is still cliche although you inserted steer. Overall, an excellent poem with much meaning. Compliments.

Answer 2

I Am your Lady,You are My MAN,

I'LL Show You The Way whenever I can.

IF I Am not with you ,The Moment You Call,

I'M Still There To Catch You IF You Should Fall.

Now Waken My Sweet One,Darkness Has Gone,

Along With The Light, Comes The Bright Morning Sun.

My Promise To You And This I Shall Keep,:

I Will Always Be With You,So,Please,Please,

Don't Leap!

When You Think For One Minute That You Are

Alone,I'LL Take Your Hand,And I'LL Guide You Home.

Then In The Midst Of Your Troubles And Pain,

I Will Be There,To Hold You Again!

Answer 3

Your words go deep and have great meaning they capture others feelings and in doing so you have created a piece of art.

It is haunting yet real in the fact it describes most sensibly the inequity of emotion and conscience.

Anyone who would steer you to the light at the edge would surely encourage you to jump into the void with them as I read in this poem that it is about empty voids and pleasure and what would be more pleasurable than filling that empty void with your passion.

good work imho.

carry on

Answer 4

There is much emotion in here

The first two lines talk about identity as well as self courage

What will it take to make you happy refer to someone who wants it all or doesn't know what they want

Someone is not wanting you

because the questions what do I have to do to give you

and what will it take to make you happy.



It seems you are doing all you can to no avail

You are pleading for this person to come forward

because steer me some light

( to make sense. )

So you can understand what is going on.

Answer 5

Good friends will take you to the edge in order for you to learn and grow, but the nice thing is they would never let you fall!



Deep poem. Keep writing.



I especially like clarity clouding over tranquil scenes! Great line.



Thanks for the gift of allowing us to read your poem. Take care.

Answer 6

I generally like the juxtaposition of contrary imagery, but don't force it. Steer well to the right of cliche. My favorite stanza is S4; the last line is a bit too alliterative for my personal taste, but this is your poem, after all.

Answer 7

Your words are beautiful my friend