what do you think of this poem?

Question

okay, so this is my first poem since like 3rd grade. i wrote it in 5 min. what do you think?

Tonight ill lay in bed
patiently awaiting sleep
tomorrow my eyes will open
and the ground will touch my feet
tonight shell lay in bed
grudgingly awaiting sleep
tomorrow here eyes wont open
and the ground wont touch her feet

Answer 1

i like it alot. it makes sense and its dramatic!

Answer 2

Um, it's alright but it needs work. "Here" is "her." And use better language. I really don't know what type though. Punctuation would also improve the poem too.

Answer 3

I think it is a good poem. You should make another

Answer 4

Intresting! my poems are a lot like that.Its your own creativity never change it for anyone.

Answer 5

a good poem :) i like it..

Answer 6

emo and off-rhyme scheme. good start i guess.

Answer 7

its pretty good