I am starting out in poetry, and not sure about this poem (first i have ever done) it is a christian one so...?

Question

Please, if you don't like it, PLEASE!!! DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE LORD (anything wrong, that is) here is the poem, I think is horrible!

Sitting in the flowers
letting the pollen blow
But yet some one was approaching
That was little did I know

Went out front and behind a bush
saw a stranger, a beggar asking my parents for some food
Would they give some to the woman?
I think they understood

This beggar, was the Lord in disguise
And this, my parents knew
They washed her feet, gave her clothes
and water and food

The woman's eyes
were something to admire
and the way those brown eyes shone
covered her ragged attire

When she walked out
she heard me in the bush
I was praying that she was the Lord
and that He'll forgive me of my lust

And she spoke, a man's voice came out
for in my house she did not speak
And when she said these five words,
I nevermore felt weak

Five powerful words
described the Holy Lamb
Five powerful words
"I AM WHAT I AM"

Finally, I felt tired
I needed a rest
fell asleep knowing
that we had passed the test

PLEASE REMEMBER THIS WAS MY FIRST POEM

Answer 1

i think its beautiful!! r u sure u just started writing poetry? it was amazing!

here r some of my poems but i dont think its as good as urs:



Moods

I'm kind, but clumsy.

I'm responsible, but impatient.

I hav plenty of friends, but i feel alone.

I'm honest, but have a bad attitude.

And yet you love me because I'm me.



Flashbacks

You're not here.

Yet i can see your face.

Then I remember.

You are a part of me and

I shall never let go.

You have always been there for me and

Now I say,"Thank You." But then something happened

And I have to go through life without seeing

Your beautiful face ever again...



Pretties, Specials, and Uglies

Pretties aren't pretty,

They are snobby.

Specials aren't special,

They are self- centered.

Uglies aren't ugly,

They are unique.



I hope u like them!! i know it's not as good as urs tho. even if i have been writing poetry for a long time. :D btw, they r 3 different poems.

Answer 2

For one, I surely have seen him an asset to Y!APS and, thereby,, to - myself.. yet. i discover it annoying that together as his artwork is his very own badge of properly worth human beings positioned up `Apprentice` - variety stuff - to me, it makes the adulator much less appreciate-worth - some thing of a source of close to-mirth... as though hiw artwork does no longer stand severe in simple terms on it` very own, the protestor is covertly pointing out some proprietor- deliver? A blip in communiction, or an non-compulsory invitation - undesired by potential of mos ... renders the intrinsic fee over -grossed (like media hype - you comprehend the type..).; It`s between the information which o frequently annoys, that some get their jollies by potential of adulating completely self adequate boys.. then regulate their information in a yet another poem. No, don`t mail me in this .-..my persistence has left homestead. i comprehend my stuff..loyalty`s a private blessing, nota pblic bone to gnaw upon. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x sorry if it is unpredicted as a critique yet it`s what I see right here so frequently - compliment or erase ...emotionally teeneged and ....bleak. however to the impressionable, influential i discover it pointless, an interest -unneeded mouthing, rather -over-sentimental.

Answer 3

Hey man great start!

My major advice would be to either stick with your rhyming scheme or do away with it; at the moment you sometimes abandon it, which kinda stops the poem's flow.

Again, great start, although i'm not usually a fan of religious poetry.

Answer 4

I think it is very good, especially for your first poem! I am no expert on poetry, but I liked it! You may want to have a professor check it out, or maybe even a clergyman, but I thought it was very touching- good job!

Answer 5

I liked it. You can really feel the emotion inside of it. Though towards the end the flow of the poem seemed to fade. But yes, i liked it.