How would you improve this piece?

Question

Seeing Clearly Can Hurt

One by one, scales fell from eyes
placed by no one, but own choice
sweet bliss found in ignorance
became deadly double edged sword
comforting yet stunting your growth
deceiving served but short term cure
long term proved self destructive
pain truth brings now clearly seen
must be met head on to proceed.

Hang on, my son, I cry out to you
take my love as you walk hard new path
turn not from life's harsh realities
scales came off because you received
healing touch from the Master's hand.

Answer 1

One by one

the scales fell from eyes

placed by no one

but choice

sweet bliss found in ignorance

became deadly double-

edged sword

comforting yet stunting your growth

deceiving served

but short term cure

long term proved

self destructive pain

truth brings now clearly seen

must be met head on to proceed.



Hang on, my son, I cry out

to you.

Take my love as you walk

the hard new

path

turn not from life's harsh realities.

Your scales came off

you received

healing touch

from the Master's

hand.

Answer 2

My mind closes suddenly if someone asks how I may improve someone's work. I see that as robbery.

Every artist must make the effort to move from first impression to last. Anyone who interferes, is interfering in a sacred project, which is the artist TOTAL responsibility.

Sorry Ma. But I do not touch anyone's work - even if asked! Just as I never ask anyone to interfere with mine.

Answer 3

just that it's not a new path. Hi ma. :) Oh I see. You mean the hard new path. I haven't given up yet. I never will. But this way is so easy. The other path is so hard. It's amazing that this thing is not a private line. But I'm glad it's not when it comes to you. As long as you aren't watching over me too much. :) It's a good poem! Trick or treat. :)

Answer 4

Once again the lady who feels she is not a poet stuns the literary world with another heart rending verse fit for the Gods.

Answer 5

beautiful . . some times it's really hard to trust God's Healing Hand, but we have to. Amazing

Answer 6

A slightly more cursive font, maybe in red with a kicking little green border.......



You did ask :o)

Answer 7

I am glad to see your "vow" not to post poetry anymore has been annulled. LOOK at what we'd all be missing!

(((HUGS)))

Reenie

Answer 8

Hand deliver it

Answer 9

I wouldn't touch it. It is quite lovely and touching. ♥

Answer 10

Sure glad I didn't miss this one.Well done.

Answer 11

I wouldnt change anything...I thought it was great

Answer 12

I would not presume to do so Ma..