I wrote a peom - "still" ... , do u like it?

Question

Still

Still I'm broken
still feel stolen
Still i cry
still sometimes sigh

still I'm in pain
still eyes drench me in rain
Still can scream
still i see you in my dreams

still walk like I'm frost
still think I'm lost
still can't kick off my rage
still somewhere in middle of some maize

still it's out of control
still heartbreaks create those holes
still feel i'll fall
still inside myself i crawl

still wont believe u nymore
still I'm dead inside my core
still i wake up in darkness
still i hear you confess

still i can't shout
still make my way out
still I'm fading away
still in my mind are strong waves

still wanna just run
still i say i'm undone
still give away my tears
still hide all those fears

still i want all this to end
still shall i soon descend
still my heart's hurt
still think to agen start

still I'm breathin
still I'm existing
still my soul's dead , everythin i spill
still wanna stop saying that still

Rate it if u want

Answer 1

It was a good experiement in echoed beginnings...but "still" is a single syllable up-beat...so it wasn't very successful as a repetitive beginning word. The other mistake was in choosing to use an extended set of short couplets...almost impossible to pull off even in a short poem, let alone one as long as this one. Additionally, you need to capitalize "i"...it's a personal pronoun, so it should be "I" and any time you drop a letter from a word, such as the "g" from everything, you should use an apostrophe in its place (e.g. everythin'). In the case in question, not only didn't it add anything to say "everythin", but it actually detracted from the line, as did the slang "wanna". This was not an ethnic or slang oriented poem, so those two words stuck out...as did "u" instead of "you" and "nymore" instead of "anymore". This is poetry, and as such, each word "means" something, each word has "value" and each word deserves to be written as intended. This is not text messaging and if you choose to deliberately misspell words you will not be taken seriously.



...keep writing...just be more careful

Answer 2

Langston Hughes wrote the poem, and in case you verify out previous questions right here on YA, you will see an diagnosis of the poem itself. Langston Hughes replaced into seen a Harlem poet in the time of its renaisance and he spoke from adventure, no longer projection.

Answer 3

Thats a beautiful poem.

Answer 4

I think its good, but I think you should only have still in the first line of each stanza.... not every line

Answer 5

I think it would have been better if you didn't use the word still so much.



However, the idea is a good one.

Answer 6

u should be a poet, lol, i give it a 9/10

Answer 7

I think it would be better if you only used 'still' on ever paragraph, not everyline.

Nice work:)

Answer 8

I think it is super

Answer 9

i really liked that poem