Is this a Good Poem for a Competition?

Question

Ok so me and My friend are having a friendly competition and its a poetry one and No i don't have any happy poems. I wont reveal my age until i pick the best answer or you guys do but here it goes

How And When?
How and when?
How and when will the healing start? When will this world love me? When will it accept me?
I was happy, I was! Almost every thing seemed long and calm, far from the hell reached from above. It was all so perfect all so calm but little did I know that the world hated. Hated Me. Hated my happy. Hated love. Hated the calm sweet dove
How Did I become dead?
Why did my soul die?
The pain is just too deep! I cut so it may seep, It only last for an hour or two but its better than the pain of few. Would you understand?
How and when will you see this?
How and when will you breathe that kiss?
How and when will you save me from death?
How and when will you see that this is an addiction like meth?
Your words are hard and strong of hate. Is this me? Is this fate...?
Your killing me you are. I always see you like a sky stars
How will you save me from this blackness and coldness when did you realize I’ve been told this?
Is it to late now am I gone? Am I seeing things all to wrong?
How and when will you realize your words are strong? They cut me and I cut my self deep so the pain may seep.
Blood after blood drops. All the things that I’ve been taught. To torment to kill to make the pain fill. Fill the heart with the pain so the words will be insane. You can’t tame a soul you can only try but if you do then it may die. The words of ground the word of sky. The soul is wild like water and fire. It may tire. Like earth and wind makes the mind spin.
It’s confusing, I know but do you? How and when did you see you hurt me?
How and when did you see you slashed me? How and when did you see you trashed me?
How and when did you see I craved? How and when will I be saved? FIN
Ok so u like? And PLEASE dont steal my poem I WILL SUE and i actually got this copy right Lol Weird but with money almost everything is possible. Of course i could be lyeing buuut do you really want to take that chance?

Answer 1

Wow that's really good. I felt the pain and the hate. Depressing but I loved it. Thanks for reading mine. :D Keep up the good work. And if you want to try happy poems, I'm sure you'll excel in it. But this poem was really good so if you stick with these they're still really good.

Answer 2

NO .... not good for a competition what ever your age. I don't believe you have any copy right for that stuff... But if you want to try Poetry and this is not a joke....AND

If you want real advice.... your content makes seance.....

But it sounds like an essay, not a poem.

And ya... you have grammatical blunders in between.... you can play with grammar a little, but it needs to be poetic....

eg.... one place you wrote "Hated my happy".... Hated me happy.... could be better

and maintain the tense... you seem to be jumping between present perfect, past continuous and past perfect.



BEST OF LUCK!

Answer 3

It's really dark.... not bad dark, just dark.

I'd skip the two first 'how and when?'s

Other than that, I think that it's really honest, and I understand that emotion completely...

Answer 4

Yep. Thats good.