I wrote these poems in grade 7. I'm now in grade 8 and was just wondering what peoples opinions were on them. ?

Question

Someday

Someday, I’m going to perfect that song on the piano I started last week
Someday, that guitar solo is going to sound the exact same as it does on CD
Someday I’ll have my own band, with really exciting gigs
Someday I’ll be able to get my music out to millions of people
Someday, I’ll communicate my messages to the world through song
Someday, I’ll be a role model for millions of young women and teens
Someday, I will help others achieve their dreams
Someday, I will prove that the only thing impossible is impossible itself
Someday, I will make people hear melodies of hope
Someday, I will make people sing choruses peace
Someday, everyone will understand what we need to do
Someday, everyone will understand what we’ve already accomplished
Someday, everyone will understand how far we have to go
Someday, is in the distance, but still in reach
Someday starts today




One Window Is All I Need

One window is all I need
To move on from the past
To accept the future
To get carried away in such a world
To see the mountains and the hills ahead
To see the ditches, the holes, the sticks and stones
To see the rainbows, and wonder what is at the end
To see the stars and wonder how long they will shine
To understand the cycle of the life, evolving before my eyes

One window is all I need
To make a single mistake
To make something right
To learn how to repair something I break
To learn right from wrong
To accept the things I cannot change
To have will power to change the things I can
To help someone in need
To teach them how to do the same

One window is all I need
To know what I want to do with my life
To understand why I was put on this planet
To be a leader to others
To be a follower in my faith
To be an influence to the younger generation
To be the best I can be
To give all I can
To be accomplished

Answer 1

Try some new words.

you use the same thing over & over.

Answer 2

They're good poems, and very good for a seventh grader! You may want to use some more sensory language, and try to be more creative. Instead of to 'be a leader to others' try something more abstract! Throw in some more metaphors, creative rhyme schemes, etc.



Also, don't just say 'really exciting gigs' say 'songs that make people want to spill out their soul' or something to that degree. Don't just say it, say it in a way that connects with your readers!

Answer 3

K good via the sounds of matters your petite, no longer being from americ i dont realize what age a grade 8 is however you cant move flawed with a lovable minidress simply above the knees however make it a traditional color no longer thrashy

Answer 4

Excellent, for a seventh grader! True, not the best there's ever been, but good poetry comes with life experience. You have the makings a a very good poet, keep at it!

Answer 5

They're very good, but they sound too much like the cookie cutter the-world-is-perfect-and-im-gonna-succeed kind of thing. Try writing something a little less hopeful with a little more soul.

Answer 6

i would read them all but i might fall asleep first

Answer 7

good not the best but good!

Answer 8

very good

Answer 9

they r ok !