would you ? a poem, non rhyming, would you read and comment, please?

Question

Slip into one of those evening gowns..
Let your thoughts tarry; caught in the past
Look in the mirror reflect on those times
Recalling the sparks in the eyes of the men
Who watching intently your every move
Made you feel so beautiful, polished, smooth
Smooth out the wrinkles with mist in your eyes
in time, in the garments, in texture of skin
Breathe in and hold your memories close
Then release it; move forward again.

Answer 1

I can really relate to this. As a woman of 59, the petals have long fallen off this flower. But, thank God, I'm over all that shallow stuff. Glad to be healthy, glad to be alive, glad to be over the past.



Really good writing, my friend. I always enjoy your work. Thanks for sharing. shirley.

Answer 2

Non rhyming poems are more prevalent than rhyming poems at this point. (Keep in mind there are lots of different kinds of rhymes, not all the most basic.) What you need to go look at is the free verse movement in poetry. Free verse is where the poet defines the rules of the form they have chosen, strict or loosely. Ultimately, strive for the poem to operate on three levels-- intellectually stimulating/unique viewpoint, clever word choice, specific images and descriptions, nothing vague or cliche (thesaurus, yo!) musically: the way the words feel when you say them, sound to your ear, how that plays off the meaning--for a very basic example, slithering snakes sounds slippery, right? Learn about Germanic and Latinate words, their sounds and unconscious implications--for example, the diff between reading/hearing/saying '****' vs 'defecate' emotionally: the feel, the texture, the flavor of your words and images This is a lot, but that's why writing good poetry is hard work. Revise! Get it all out at first, put it away if you need to, but don't be afraid to edit yourself. If you're worried about 'loosing the feel' just save each version with a higher number (ex poem1, 2, 3, etc.) When in doubt, go to the bookstore and read read read what poets are writing now! Find out who you like (learn by imitating) and what you don't (and avoid it). If you don't like the idea of imitating, ask yourself,. would you try to write a symphony the first day you played piano, or would you try to learn the skillz?? On that note: dream (too vague), beautiful (how is this person uniquely beautiful to the speaker in the poem?), light shining brightly, blinding (cliche, strive for more unique image) Hope this helps, not hurts, and best of luck!!!!

Answer 3

I'm sure my senior prom tux would not fit today. Only in the past couple of years has this come to pass.

It is good to be alive and healthy. I can identify though.

Very nicely done in my opinion.

Answer 4

I'm not quite sure what the message is, I'm guessing getting older?

But it's a very creative poem and seems very meaningful.

Well Done :)

Answer 5

I have done many awful and regrettable things in my life, and fallen in love more than once. I hope that I can follow this poem's example and let go of my mistakes without forgetting my moments of joy.

Answer 6

To me this sounds like a poem about past or bad relationships.



I give this poem a "good".

Answer 7

This poem made me think of Abba's Dancing Queen.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REElUors1pQ

Answer 8

LOVED it! Great write. The preparation of a young diva - ready to greet the world. I remember when - thanks again ♥

http://land.allears.net/blogs/lauragilbreath/snow_greet.jpg

Answer 9

This is so lovely. There can be such sweetness to melancholy.



Glance back but focus on ahead.

Answer 10

Ev-er-ry sing-gle day and night. Good pen wrote that one!

Answer 11

You could title this either



50



or



60

Answer 12

I like it.

Answer 13

nice... takes us there... not sure how it could be made better... a title maybe... smooth... thanks for sharing...