~ Still Standing ~ Poem?

Question

~ Still Standing ~

Ghosts of what have been
Taunt me whilst I sleep
Whilst I dream
They echo the moods
They echo how I feel
Like a storm
They scream still.

The vibrations in my head
Cause my brain to trip
Rewired, rewritten
I’ve lost my memories
Lost my mind
And yet
And yet I’m still standing.

A broken heart, a broken mind
Emptiness in my heart
In my mind
In my soul
And I can’t find anything
To stop the bleeding
To fill the shattered hole.

I’m being pulled backward through hell
My eyes hurt
And my heart aches
Aches for what it can’t have
And yet I’m still here,
Still alive,
Still standing.

My brother helped me with the last two lines of this one; when he read it, it was originally ''and I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm still standing" it's not much of a change but I do think that this once sounds better. What do you think?

xx

Answer 1

First of all in having read two previous posts I suggest, in your defense, thousands of pieces are titled the same. That does not in any way reflect that they were stolen. As individuals, we say what we feel, often.



As to the poem, and in doing so previously I have suggestions.



Again I wonder why Caps for each line?

Last stanza is the best in my opinion.

I'm not sure the repetition always adds impact but I'm not trying to write over your expressions.



Of the three I've read so far I think this may be the best of them.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Stanza 1 line 2

I suggest making this 2 lines

Taunt me

Whilst I sleep

It gives the eader pause and gives it more impact.



S3 L3&4

Take out in

It is already implied in line 2

Plus shortening it gives it more impact



S3 L7

To throws it off by being directly under

To.

The repatition disturbs the flow.



Your brother gave you execellent advice with the end.

Answer 4

Elton John and Liza Minelli are going to sue you...

Answer 5

And what exactly is the question?

Do we like it?

Some will, some won't. I tend to be neutral.

"I'm still standing" is an Elton John song, by the way.