What do you think of this poem wrote called "Empty"?

Question

Empty
---------------------
He sits alone in peace.
Quiet stillness you may say.
He means no good.
He means no harm,
yet he generates negativity.
Dark clouds circle him.
The resons unknown.
When you look in to his eyes,
you se no saddness,
yet no happieness.
You see pure, blue emptieness.
Emptieness with a soul peircing
sadness you can only feel
with your heart.
After you look at him dead in the eye,
you feel an unwanted gloom
in your soul.
Thats his empteiness pitting your soul
and filling it with your own sadness
Now you just feel.....
Empty.

Answer 1

Moving stuff

Answer 2

It's good except for the incorrect spelling of the word emptiness. I would add more comparisons. I'm not sure I like the blue emptiness part, I would insert a simile there. Maybe something like.....a void, lifeless ocean. Maybe also instead of "you feel an unwanted gloom", something like "darkness, gloom engulfs your soul".

Just some minor suggestions. You are a talented writer, just keep plugging away.

Answer 3

this is a REALLY good poem, keep writing you'll only get better at it...it has a lot of deep inner thought and meaning, it makes people think and wonder...i really liked it. an analyzation : the boy you look at in the eyes does not look sad or happy or shows any emotion but yet makes YOU feel empty inside because HE shows nothing......very nice poem!!!!

Answer 4

this is really good!!

but its Spelled emptiness, and see the one time.

if i could give it a rating out of 10, it would be 15 =D

and near the end, you said soul too much.. you could put the "pitting your soul" part in the next line, or even make it its own separate line. you don't have to get rid of it.

and it should be "that is" on the fourth last line instead of "thats".

its only my opinion.

but other than that its REALLY GOOD!!!

I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!

Answer 5

This Is An Excellent Poem,,

It Really Shows Emotion =]

Dont Stop Writing

Answer 6

It's okay, but I would watch the spelling, and it seems you tried to ryhme in some parts, but the rest is totally off. You also repeat the same things over and over. Watch out for this.

Answer 7

OMG i think that is a wonderful poem. After i read it i like felt happy in a really weird way. i know that sounds like something out of a movie, but it is true. That poem was awesome, i think this is something u should pursue.



Keep writing!

Answer 8

amazing poem! I love how you didn't stress the antithesis, but you need to go back and fix a few typos you have in there. Other than that this is a really great poem (-^~^-)

Answer 9

Empty

Answer 10

It's wonderful. Just watch the typos and you're flying!

Answer 11

Beautiful!!! Umm... fourth last line it should be That's, sorry couldn't help picking up on that lol

Answer 12

This is excellent! I love the last two lines.

I would love your opinon on mine:

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20081123140754AAPLihQ

Answer 13

sad.....even for a person like me that goes like LALALALALA YAYAYA XDXDXDXDXD WHAT U DOIN? WHAT I DOIN? YEA MAN! all day long....so sad

Answer 14

wow it's SO amazing congratulations

Answer 15

that's pretty deep

Answer 16

its so good.