What do you think of this poem?

Question

A thousand heartbeats from the sweet touch of graceful purity. One last grasp and i will hold thee in my amrs once more. Thy comfort never ceiseth. The beauty in thy loving affections doth soothe this aching heart. This bliss is a sweet flower unto my heart. The antidote to all my pain and woes. I will cherish every last breath I take with thee. The very earth may fall away before me but i will lay here in thy bosom. My whole life is before thee and I will spend it showing my love.

Answer 1

Hey i love it!! I really love it :)

Answer 2

This form of poetry is called prose, so it doesn't have to rhyme. Your use of old english is well thought out.



The only things I see that need a little tweaking is:

A little more description in the first line. Whose heartbeats?



Perhaps try : Thy comfort never ends.



Also try switching this one around and it makes more sense:



I will cherish every last breath I take with thee.

I will cherish thee with every breath I take.



Don't write this like a paragraph. Each sentence should be a line.



I will be looking forward to read more of your poems.

Answer 3

This is a beautiful poem, has a Shakespearean touch to it. You should display your poems online so that you can get exposure and better reviews. You should display them on writing.com, it's a really good website.

Answer 4

Did you write that yourself ? It is lovely :] . I like then way it kinda sounds like Shakespeare. Its really good. I'm sure whoever it is too, that they will fall even more in love with you.

Answer 5

This is not a poem. It's just nice prose. Poems, by definition, have form.

Answer 6

you should think of becoming a poet it is beautiful though you want to make it rhyme a little.

Answer 7

thats one of the sweetest things i have ever heard... wow you could be a poet! it's beautiful!

Answer 8

wow..............grt....really vry nice poem.........!!

keep it up..