Is my Renaissance poem too silly?

Question

Oh everybody, teamwork, teamwork,
Never shirk on teamwork,
Everyone can work together,
Everybody, make things better,
Bring me back my snows of yesteryear,
What art can make them reappear?
Oh teamwork, teamwork,
Everyone can work together,
The dirk is bloody and the dagger
Shattered Sfphrangland is in disesteem,
In every river dover fishes teem,
But individual happenstances
By accidents comprise no renaissances,
But young and old can make things better,
Young and old can work together
In the kingdom of the azure letter,
Mabaley and Sfphrangland and Unreal,
When Ptolemy possessed his glockenspiel,
I saw the stars all round, now night appears,
I saw them help each other in their crystal spheres,
Oh in a vision once I saw
Wield the hammer, buzz buzz buzz the vasty saw,
And make the anvils peal
Ptolemy's concerto of the glockenspiel
Because the Enlightenment
Is heaven sent
Leonard' da Vinci
Veni vedi ego vici
Young and old can work together
Everybody, make things better,
Everyone can work together,
Never shirk on teamwork,
Everybody, teamwork!

Answer 1

If silly is being able to touch the heart of the reader then it is silly. It has a "Fiddler on the Roof" feel probably Jewish German, Swiss or Italian. And the characters are in beige (with a little blue) overalls, and berets and moustaches and the kids working long-sleeved. Post-war settlers, I think they are, many of them working. It is a beautiful painting diminished or rather enhanced by time. And there is acapela tenor or bass singing. Believable and brilliant! So go ahead, please write more using this form.

Answer 2

I actually enjoyed this very much even though the theme of "old and young cooperating" to me seems a little silly. We live in an age where everything is bread and circuses, video games and McDonalds. In the United States we handed over our civil liberties so politicians could chase hobgoblins. There is nothing left to rally behind, no dream to harness ourselves too. The world bank plays the tune and everyone dances.



So what the hell are young and old supposed to rally around? Poetry? The horses have already left the barn.



It is a pity both you and Derrick are inspired to write your better stuff about a non-theme.

Answer 3

Oh my. What is between the lines is so distracting...I wonder what the uninitiated think?

Answer 4

Okay this answers the question...well done Peter.

Answer 5

no it's very good and descriptive



plz answer mine - https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20110706170812AABJn3k

Answer 6

no i think its pretty good but idk anything about the renaissance.