Just another poem, advice?

Question

Okay, so this one, I actually really just edited another poem. I feel as though it shows more emotion and I guess it relates more to me as the original probably related more to the original author.



I am a writer writing of this tremendous pain,
I am another person living with guilt and shame,
I'm your innocent daughter hiding not only my depression,
I am your only sister trying to make a good impression,
I am that friend just trying to draw a line,
I am another wisher wishing this confusing life weren't mine,
I am a girl who thinks too often about suicide,
I am a teenager trying to push my emotions aside,
I'm only a student one who does not know what to do,
I am a girl that just hasn't got a clue,
I am the one asking for anyone to care,
I'm no one asking for anybody to be there.

:)

Answer 1

Aww.. wow this really tells a lot about you.



I think you made some slight mistakes in some of the lines you edited though; some of them start out with I'm rather than I am (except maybe the last, I can see how that could stay the same). Otherwise, a poem's a poem... maybe if this were free verse, it would be a little better (but that maybe just be my creative side taking over).



I like it a lot, although it may not use that many literary elements, that's not really what these types of poems are about... these types of poems are about expressing those feelings that you can't express in other words. No literary effects should stifle that. ;)



Great poem!

Answer 2

Its like a song from the 60's.. Yummy-Yummy-Yummy-I got love in my tummy/..!! It made me chuckle-- Hope things work out for you/.

Answer 3

Start over, your life is hanging by a thread.

Answer 4

my interpretation, "seem like isolation suffocate the writer"

Answer 5

I like the rhymes, or couplets.

Answer 6

i love it every much is kind of sad and also is good very good