"poetry"...a short verse poem...c/c please?

Question

"poetry"

To even speak of me
is to ready your lips with a lie,
even if only,
by omission

I am separated from you
and always shall remain so
by virtue of the very.....

words
that you would say are my definition
the same,

you would claim describe me
this is how,
you come to exclude me
from your meaning

And
I am
(being only as hint)
the vague inclination of inevitable...
ephemera

I am what you can not know
and everything you can not be
I am what you mean
when you mention
"poetry"

Answer 1

"you would claim describe me"



I shall assume is a typo for "you would claim to describe me".



There is a rather interesting idea here about the way that language assails meaning, without ever quite capturing it. While you are following this idea your words are always clear, and often intriguing; your use of punctuation, and particularly enjambment, is also engaging:- sometimes delightful, sometimes thought-provoking.



I wasn't so enamoured of how you seem to make Poetry (I assume the speaker of this piece is Poetry) an airhead pricktease. Personification is always tricky, since personified abstractions can't avoid having human characteristics. Your Poetry was altogether too petulant and complacent for my liking:



"I am what you can not know"



under some circumstances might subtend a complex metaphysic; but your Poetry is so fey it comes over as smug.



Unusually, I think this poem might be better if the language was less natural. It is a highly intellectualised dialogue, you could probably borrow more from philosphical jargon to keep it cold.



It is good to see a poem with ideas in it on here though ... very good indeed.

Answer 2

Your opening sentence puts forward a "god like" character that we are not worthy to approach. This immediately alienates and as such puts my thoughts at odds with your conclusion of poetry. Which i would see more of a mountain that i can't ever conquer as opposed to one that i am forbidden to climb.



I see your poem like this:-



"poetry"

speak of me

ready your lips

even if only

by omission

or a lie,



I am separated

and always shall remain

by virtue of



words

my definition

the same.



you would claim me?

how?

exclude me

from your meaning?



I am

(being only as a hint)

the vague inclination of inevitable...

conclusions



I am what you know

and everything you can not be

I am what you mean

when you mention

"poetry"

Answer 3

The Poet is Around the Corner



The view is lovely and the sun is shining

but the poet is around the corner,

the view is guided by a gentle hand

but the poet is around the corner.

The messages sound is a resonant voice

but the poet is around the corner,

the asker begs you to make a choice

but the poet is around the corner.



There is a wall that the mind can't leap

there is a truth that no words can keep

there is a strangeness that never sleeps

and the poet is around the corner.



[You always have such great ideas to steal. Thanks for being whomever it is I think you are.]

Answer 4

Rather intense notion but quite valid. The assumption of a poetic sense is what most believe. Thank you for sharing.

Answer 5

Try and tone down the use of enjambment. It's feels slightly forced.

And also, consider changing "ephemera" to "enema".

"you would claim describe me" - I'm not too sure about this line. It doesn't seem to make sense. There's something missing.

Answer 6

I like your metaphor, and description.

As always I feel your poetry in motion.