Poem - Treasure from Japan - your thoughts/critique?

Question

Treasure from Japan

We had entrusted to our care
These treasures of great beauty;
Who brought to us delight most rare
And taught us our own world to see.

And as we speak and laugh and share
Our daily life, our common chores.
Together we learn, we grow, we care
For one another more and more.

Even though each lives so far away
In land where cherry blossom rains.
Yet each year some will chose to stay
And bring us blessings once again.

In packages, so very small
You fill our lives with quiet grace;
Japanese gardens one and all
Returned to loved ones fond embrace.

For rich and varied each you are
As the land from where you come;
Saw us beneath the southern stars
As your life's journey had begun.

© Greg Burns 9-Jan-2012
-------------------------
We had our last Japanese exchange student leave in August 2010. Over the preceding 8 years we would have had at least 8 students stay with us. Each would stay between one to two and a half weeks in our home.

This poem captures both the joy of having them stay with us and sadness when they go.

I wrote it in August 2010. My intention was to have a very structured English poem; I wanted something that was disciplined enough to suit a Japanese reader. I also wanted to capture some of the grace and dignity they brought to our lives.

I'm not able to do haiku and I don't believe I'd have wrapped up what I felt in such a short form.

I never sent this poem to any of our girls. Perhaps I should now. What do you think?

BTW - I seriously am leaving for holiday's today so it may take a little while to reply.

Answer 1

Your beautiful Japanese students were a delight and that came across strongly in your poem.(stanza 1) Just as you benefited from their visit to your home and the cultural diversity, I bet they felt exactly the same about you and your family, when they went home to their loved ones. You mention the word treasures, they were precious weren't they? Entrusted in your care. You have daughters and I'm wondering if this was an exchange visit organized through school? Japanese gardens, are beautiful so you brought plenty of imagery into this piece. Each one a Japanese garden, rich and varied. If you are still in touch with your students, I think it would be a lovely gesture to send the poem to them. I believe that would confirm to them just how much value you placed on their visit.



I had the opportunity for an exchange visit to France when I was 13. I am the eldest of 5 children, but couldn't bear to go because I thought I would miss them all far too much. Far too sensitive for my own good back then. I have grown!



I enjoyed your poem and wish you a happy holiday.

Answer 2

What wonderful sentiments this poem has,

and sentiments that are very close to home. so-to-speak...



I have a small property which I let out, and to date my very

best and favourite Tennant's were a Japanese couple.

Often they would invite me for dinner, they kept my cottage

in an immaculate condition, and I was very sorry to see them go.



Your poem shows vividly the love and joy you had sharing your home.

Definitely, send a copy to your girls, they will love it.



Chen & Yoshi...I miss you...x

Answer 3

I salute you my friend! A very beautiful poem again! Have a nice holiday wherever you may go.