I would love your feedback on my poem...please? =D?

Question

Keeper of the Damned

Fowl odors define my being,
Insects creep upon my skin,
A tangle of snakes replace my heart,
My very breathing is a sin.

My bones, jaggedly contorted,
A face that's ripped to shreds,
Empty pits where eyes once were,
Deteriorated skin that's bathed in red.

A grin that's wickedly deceiving,
A tongue split like a snakes,
Spikes protrude my neck,
Like the candles on a cake.

My presence is so black,
I have a shadow in the dark,
Evil flowing through my veins,
Touch my skin and feel a spark.

I feed off of your sorrow,
I live to hear you scream,
I am the Keeper of the Damned,
Compared to me, Hell is a dream.

-Kara-

Answer 1

Wow. Excellent poem. Depressing though. Sounds like it could be from like a fantasy novel or something. Amazing imagery, can see what you are saying.

Answer 2

Love it.. very well done!!! Very dramatic and forlorn.



The only line I do not like is "like the candles on a cake".. seems it was just put there to fit the rhyme



would you try something like

'shadows fear me in wake'



:)

Answer 3

You are a great poet, it has emotion and great description. I could really feel the eerie chill to it and how you can really imagine how it is. Great poem! ;)

Answer 4

Very Nice! Poems are suppose to be confusing when you first read them, and that certainly was :)

Answer 5

I like it. It seems as if you're portraying the very essence of evil.



Five stars.

Answer 6

Hey, We think alike. Love it

Answer 7

daaayyuuum girl. dat **** is spooky. gave me dem heebidy geebeys

Answer 8

I like it.