Does my poem about "first love"seem silly or too sentimental?Comments/suggestions?

Question

I returned to the place we once knew,
to the heat of an August night
and memories that are you.
I heard our voices soft in the whispering trees,
felt first love's fragile promise
on the timid summer breeze.
The moon had spread its light where we once lay
I touched the ground -- still warm
with the heat of day.
I felt once more the soft warmth of your skin,
watched the midnight shining of your eyes--
portals to oblivion.
The night, soft and heavy with honeysuckle scent,
pressed against my skin
in sweet ravishment.
I wondered if you had ever come back to this place
and felt my touch in the velvet heat
of a summer night's embrace.
I pushed aside the shadows encroaching on the night,
reached for August memories
and tried to hold moonlight.

Answer 1

Brenda



Thank you for keeping your poem open, and for your answer to

my poem. It was classy of you, eloquent yet firm. It was a

needed response better came from someone else but me--trust

me if you can. Also, welcome to YAP (Yahoo Answers Poetry)

I hope you enjoy it here, and I added you as a contact, much

appreciated. Your first poem was closed, fyi, very nice, I answered

in comment thingy section.



Really got into your poem, anything involving love and is written half

well if like a pretty sunset...how can one pass it up? You have a very

interesting rhyme scheme, construct and format here, and this one in

my opinion, as good as it is not, has an upside to it that excites me

as one who loves to edit. Perhaps a format of 3 line stanzas would

afford more breathing space for each mini-poem (3 lines) within the

whole.



Well, have more, but am getting way to long here, sorry bout that.

I look forward to your next one.

Answer 2

You are good

Answer 3

I think it's really good, a sultry romance. The line "portals to oblivion" didn't have the same rhythm, though. There's not enough syllables. "The open portals to oblivion."

Answer 4

THAT'S AMAZING. Wow very beautiful. I wish I could write like you. You used fantastic words and wove it all together wonderfully. I loved it so much.

Answer 5

Wow so unique and beautiful =0

I think its amazing ^^

Answer 6

It's sweet and romantic. Nicely done!

Answer 7

Aww..... so sweet!!! seriously, i loved it!