A free-verse based on the life of Ludwig II; will you comment?

Question

The dreams of a swan
by Ee Juin Ng

The dream of a man
strokes white
on white

In Wagner’s opera,
the tenor sings
and the swan awakens;
Lohengrin,
The knight is no hero
without a sword, his arm
in stalwart silver
without Elsa, his maiden
in fair frailty

Glory is to be hold
by Kings
who believes not their blood
are blue

Yet, on the head,
the white beast wears a crown
who dined
with portraits of deceased
French monarchs
who played
with candles on a hall of mirrors
and mocked day

On the night
when the moon in water
was red,
The kingdom of forged glass
shattered
The pieces and its swan
drowned
in Lake Starnberg

Sources,

From wiki,

Ludwig II (Ludwig Friedrich Wilhelm; sometimes rendered as Louis II in English) (25 August 1845 – 13 June 1886) was king of Bavaria from 1864 until shortly before his death. He is sometimes referred to as the Swan King in English and der Märchenkö*** (the Fairy tale King) in German.

Ludwig is sometimes referred to as Mad King Ludwig, though the accuracy of that label has been disputed. Because Ludwig was deposed on grounds of mental illness without any medical examination, and died a day later under mysterious circumstances, questions about the medical "diagnosis" remain controversial.[1]

Ludwig is best known as an eccentric whose legacy is intertwined with the history of art and architecture, as he commissioned the construction of several extravagant fantasy castles (the most famous being Neuschwanstein) and was a devoted patron of the composer Richard Wagner.

Answer 1

Here are a few questions



white on white -- see the dream in mind only

I would take out, In Wagner's opera, and begin with, the tenor sings



Lohengrin,

knight no hero

without a sword, his arm



be hold = behold, should it be beheld?



was the moon in the water, or did it reflect red on the water?

I like the idea of the Kingdom -- shattered glass



brave, you are.....



A swan song?

Answer 2

Hello I like this stunning piece, some do go this route, This piece rolled down to the end so smoothly and effectually, well done. Life is a School where we are taught the principles of praise and ridicule,the School of real experience , where we are moved about, according to ability, and how we stick it out, some end up on the rocks, or win because we , have the strength to stand the hardest knocks. Not too many can pass this course, if you know what I mean. thanks for just being you. Very good eye opening poem writing in free verse. Love you all.

Answer 3

This was an interesting take on a historical figure

Most of the time it is a flowery poem with no real meat, but this one gives much more than that.

it is a glimpse of history

Good job!

Answer 4

Magnificent. Wow!

Answer 5

This is excellent.



My only suggestion:

When reading aloud, I came to S2 and felt that "The knight" should be a line of its own.



Great subject and verse!

Answer 6

This was not just a poem, but a history lesson. Well done.

Answer 7

historical

classical

interesting

didactic

poetic

and, basically, cool

 ;-)