Re-re revised! Really sorry- Please read? Means alot!?

Question

Like my shadow...he is with me,
with each heartbeat he breathes,
moving now within me...
and we float upon the breeze.

Love's sweet love... each tender stroke a trace,
caressing now my very soul,
his kiss...my coup de grace.


Oh!...now we lay complete...
no end to me or you,
our breath dancing in unison,
upon the morning dew.

Answer 1

2 points for me!

Answer 2

try combining the 3rd and 4th lines...



"moving now we float upon the gentle breeze..."



your next stanza rhymes, but doesn't really make much sense...



What does 'Love's sweet love' really mean? It's flowery and dramatic, but has no real meaning...and then rhyming 'trace' with 'coup de grace' is a stretch...



In your 3rd stanza you don't need the ellipses after 'Oh!'...or get rid of the exclamation point and go with a comma and get rid of the ellipses...



if its supposed to suggest sex what about...



Our breath dancing in unison,

Like my heartbeat he moves inside me

Never ending love

Oh! Now we lay complete



just a thought...

Answer 3

It's a lovely poem.

I like it.

Nice work:)

Answer 4

can some one rate my poem?



https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20080414134244AA5RazH

Answer 5

very sensual. goodness. i like it.

Answer 6

And the question is????????