In this poem, is the flow and texture enhanced using "Cataletic Style", every other line.?

Question

Note:
Cataletic is dropping the final, unstressed syllable, ending the line, not changing the meter type.
(This piece is Trochaic Pentameter in 10 / 9 syllable count, ABAB rhyme)
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............The Vamp Vanquished..........

Cunning were her artful machinations,
Choosing men who never stood a chance.
Masterful projection of temptations,
Timing brilliantly her lustful glance.

Naive, innocent she gaged his weakness.
Tempting prey, this target spelled defeat.
Wary of her charm, he bent to meekness.
She pursued in cagey schemed deceit.

Love projecting trust her highest rated,
Self assured to win her rueful game,
But his insight unappreciated,
Destined to dethrone this queen of shame.

Midnight luggage packed as she lay sleeping,
Daybreak finding him no longer there.
Not his absence roused her ardent weeping,
Rather, roles reversed and woe to bear.

All her crooked plans, new name, new city,
Laid to waste, devoid a mournful chump.
Now abandoned, unpaid bills, self pity,
Sparkling eyes grown dull, for she'd been dumped.

Never any doubt, she thought he'd fallen.
Not a clue of recompense in store.
Retribution showed that it came calling,
As a sliding key beneath her door.
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Gene Bourne
02-19-14.
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Answer 1

I don't know much about meter Gene...but I do know that everything you write flows just like a song.. this is brilliant!

Answer 2

The second and third stanzas are truncated to the point of being virtual gibberish. And reading them aloud

She pursue(d) in k g scheemed I can't seem to say "schemed" right after cagey and the eye starts to swim over "deceit". These three words do not want to be read together.



And: "Love projecting trust her highest rated,"???

A) does she rate lpt highly?

B) is HER lpt rated highly?

C) does lpt rate HER highly

D) what the hell is love projecting trust?

D1) love which projects trust?

D2) trust which projects love?

D3) does love or trust project (eject) the other?



This reads like bad Thomas* writing, the cramming of sense into a format to the death of sense.



And damn! The store is all out of recompense! No wonder I have no idea what the key under the door means since more often than not the poem makes no sense (to me.) This is why when others praise you (or me) I wish they would be more specific. They may just like bafflegab.



*50% of the time, Thomas doesn't do this anymore.

Answer 3

I start to answer and then go to look up a word and then when I hit "backarrow" to go back to my answer, it's GONE. Anyway, perfect use of the trochaic pentameter. I loved the cataletic on every other line. Your poem is clear and easy to understand, unlike that of the so-called "greats".



The word "bent" in "he bent to meekness" was a little confusing. Also I envisioned them in a hotel room; where were they actually?



"All her crooked plans, new name, new city" wasn't completely clear as to what was really going on with her.



But the rest of the poem, about her seeking to deceive some "chump", he being on to her tricks, and reversing roles and getting the best of her was very enjoyable. Did he rob her or just leave her in the middle of the night after sex? Did they have sex? You didn't say. Etc. Just some details I'm wondering about.



All in all, very artful and enjoyable. Perfect meter and rhyme.



Good job!

Answer 4

'O, will someone die for you well it ant me babe

What are you looking for in this women ?

I see you walking out on this Bad women , you see her wicked ways

so you best be on your way early morning ''Oug You B :) you went to look at her when she was sleeping and said Good by .. were you looking in your wallet ? :) It's a really beautiful poem I felt you give up like a game of Cards you .. This is a sexy poem but it is , somehow a depressing poem .

It has effects ''the lad that loved , and will never forget his lover .



I think it brilliant ..

Answer 5

An excellent poem Gene, written about retribution. Very well composed and a pleasure to read. Well done.