Question:
What do you think of this poem ? I'm 16?
?
2013-08-12 22:43:48 UTC
It's about suicide, and a cold winter I was at a beach, and the nostalgia of summer and how cowardly it is and that I'm gonna live through it and I felt ugly and wished for things blah blah


Blue stasis!
My body is a lifeless limb
dull and still.
There is a fire stoking,
poking within my heart.

The nostalgia rings;
my brain's all aflame
near that beach carousel
with the muddy sand gripping my feet
where land and tides meet.

I should've killed myself already.
Drowned myself
in that malicious mouth
off the black mounds
of Piha.

At the time,
suicide was romantic.
But the wind always disagreed,
a jealous widow
pinning me back on the pivots of my knees.

I died over and over that winter,
talking and fattening like a ginger buddha,
my white belly stretching,
intricate violet stretch marks.
I am a piece of art.

Look at me,
look at me,
I am more than ugly.
My mouth disfigured like a sour worm
and teeth yellow as wild wheat.

I am the optimist.
I wish for beauty.
Like the auburn gypsy brides,
with frosty bells and stars in their hair
from the airy autumn.

Maybe I'll return to the sticky summer
like a little sweet green pea
or maybe I'll storm back through the tides
of that cold winter
like a golden goddess entity.
Five answers:
~~*Milieu*~~
2013-08-13 01:44:49 UTC
It doesn't know what it wants to be yet, the other poem(s) you posted on the same subject at least had a semblance of "order" and some interesting images. This may be something you'll need to write after you have 10 or 15 more years of life lived and have encountered enough well writ poetry to know how to approach it. Stick with it.



Poetry does not have to rhyme, but rhythm is important.



You must read as much as you can and as many different styles as you can, classic and contemporary; free verse and structured forms. Two good anthologies: Staying Alive, Real poems for Unreal Times edited by Neil Astley and Garrison Keillor's Good Poems. Two books on writing that will help guide you are Mary Oliver's A Poetry Handbook and The Poetry Home Repair Kit from Ted Kooser.



There are many good sites on line where you can read poetry daily or browse the archives:



Academy of Americans Poets

Poetry Daily

Verse Daily

The Writer's Almanac

Ploughshares

Rattle

Poetry 180

Poetry Foundation



And if you're looking for more poets, here's a very short list. Have fun!



William Stafford

Li-Young Lee

Gary Snyder

Dorianne Laux

Lucille Clifton

Mahmoud Darwish

Seamus Heaney

Anna Akhmatova

Stanley Kunitz

Yusef Komunyakaa

Kay Ryan

Jane Kenyon

Yehuda Amichai

Tony Hoagland

William Matthews

Emily Dickinson

Grace Paley

Wislawa Szymborska

Donald Hall

Jimmy Santiago Baca

Bob Hicok

Floyd Skloot

Mary Oliver

Ruth Stone

Jane Mead

Countee Cullen

WCW

Robert Frost

Brendan Galvin

Linda McCarriston

AE Stallings

Dylan Thomas

Richard Wilbur

Naomi Shihab Nye

Ted Kooser

Galway Kinnell

Rita Dove

Mary Jo Bang

Gjertrud Schnackenberg

Rhina Espaillat

Allen Ginsberg

Charles Simic

Czeslaw Milosz

Joy Harjo

Eavan Boland

Elizabeth Bishop

Les Murray

Federico GarcĂ­a Lorca

Pablo Neruda

Robert Wrigley

John Ashbery

Dean Young

Major Jackson

Terrance Hayes

Patricia Smith
Polaris
2013-08-13 11:43:26 UTC
First of all, society needs to stop romanticizing suicide. Nothing is beautiful about sadness. As for your poem, it's alright.



Can you crtique my poems too?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20130811224135AAbYDNW
?
2013-08-13 06:26:12 UTC
Love it!

You've certainly got some talent, keep writing. :3
?
2013-08-13 07:06:30 UTC
Very Good.
Dieva
2013-08-13 05:45:36 UTC
its good but its kinda horror @_@


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