Question:
For Gio perhaps, a Petrarchan sonnet sequence for his critique? C/C?
neonman
2011-11-09 04:50:35 UTC
(Yes, I think poets should be schooled in structured forms. I feel it makes them better poets and makes them respect even more those that came before.)


Echo the Nymph

De affodil, a bud awakening
on this fine Earth a bloom in glory’s vein
awaiting eyes to feast upon it’s strain
as words of praise envelope it’s being.
In centered world, this bloom unfolds its wings
to welcome those whose love has no refrain
to feed, to grow or it will be in vain
and never sung will be its song of spring.

The song of mirrored echoes singing praise
to feed an ego growing strong unchecked.
Elite the one who seeks the mirror ways
in everything a quest to be correct
though tears may fall from those unfit he plays,
a flowered beauty towering— suspect.

Myopic mirror shows a view askew
but not to one whose eyes caress his own,
who sits on his invisible life’s throne
oblivious to all who grovel too.
To gain reward from him though so untrue
for he cares not nor needs their love be shown.
He is flowering tall and so alone
while worshiping his vanity pursued.

A selfish one who does not know nor cares
to flower while it takes the food of those
who care and love the radiance he bears.
He sucks their essence dry-- they’re but his foes
to shed when done as weeds to pull he pares.
And soon his age sees summer’s roses pose

To feast he ever hunts, the game a thrill
uncaring mien they are but toys to play.
A shattered trail of spent and used he splays.
His world the lonely flower— daffodil.
So perfect he, the mirror speaks his will
a wash of glaze…. reality at bay.
He thinks his world will last-- an endless day
narcissus bloom his bloom but wait until,

until the fade of life sets in to claim
a wilting man with wrinkled mirror view.
Though still the loves he needs to age he blames
when they do not appear to help on cue
and he is left to die alone with shame
with wrinkled mirror his only…. adieu.
Eight answers:
anonymous
2011-11-09 04:56:45 UTC
Dark Grace (I said)



(Was it a dream?) All of my roads were broken,

and I, being alone, of what to think? A lune!

To never know if I am within the ash of molten,

out of the world, abolished dreams, buffoon!



The Mistral blows. (my soul), to my direction,

it's a world stuck (welded), this strange year,

in a deep dream, I foresaw, my suspension,

and I was again a buffoon protector of my tear.



My vain efforts may become a threaded toy,

of your wind, a song benign in your tale,

thrown unerringly by ghosts, foolish decoy..

And I, windy tall, here I 'll be, in this wail..



So, be in Mist! A cold drift will be your next,

upon a sculptured bark, vision of lone beauty..

Was I handsome in your eyes and my text

a dropping drop of lifeless Ocean, and a treaty..



My soul trembles (I said) cause I see an empty

vulgar of destiny where your beauty passed,

alone in a dim cloud of years, a crowned pity,

and I was a tear in a world of foolish caste.



Of Angels was this masquerade, broken wings,

(as I said), with my buffoon's colored face

This Mistral wind is a puppet, without strings

after aphotic eyes stared in me, in dismal grace.



Copyright © - G. V. - 29.10.2011 / 28679185

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Example of a Petrarchan sonnet: William Wordsworth's "London, 1802"



Milton! thou shouldst be living at this hour: - A

England hath need of thee: she is a fen - B

Of stagnant waters: altar, sword, and pen, - B

Fireside, the heroic wealth of hall and bower, - A

Have forfeited their ancient English dower - A

Of inward happiness. We are selfish men; - B

Oh! raise us up, return to us again; - B

And give us manners, virtue, freedom, power. - A



Octave - Introduces the theme or problem



Thy soul was like a Star, and dwelt apart; - C

Thou hadst a voice whose sound was like the sea: - D

Pure as the naked heavens, majestic, free, - D

So didst thou travel on life's common way, - E

In cheerful godliness; and yet thy heart - C

The lowliest duties on herself did lay. - E



Wikipedia reference on Tetrarchan Sonnet

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Sandy you should go to giggle a little more!

It is NOT well said, my dear. But I agree with the rest you said.

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anonymous
2016-05-16 01:52:47 UTC
Ok. My first reaction was Wowee! Then I thought, I should articulate better, but first reactions are so nice to know. t I don't know if it is a sonnet, or what kind of a sonnet it is. It is visual, and I hear the sounds. I have spent a delightful day within your words. Thank you for sharing.
.
2011-11-09 06:59:54 UTC
Wow, Chuck, you have been top-notch as of late. This is quite the work, regardless of what you call it! The sad fable of one who fell in love with his own reflection, refused to see the flaws both of allowing such and those that were reflected in his watery mirror... Standing Ovation for you!
Yesu Ben
2011-11-09 05:36:38 UTC
great poetry but not a sonnet...I'd say this is one of your best, most exciting pieces. Sonnets are only 14 lines (correct me if I'm wrong). or perhaps there are many hidden sonnets in this poem. Petrarchan is abba cddc effe gg. But I see other forms as well, even combinations in it.
Joshua
2011-11-09 05:07:20 UTC
brilliant, beautifuly poetic language, and a touching story...



though i am not all that much of a fan of using structure in poetry, myself, this was excellent
Coop 366
2011-11-09 06:52:21 UTC
Well done, each time I read it I find something different.
jenny
2011-11-09 10:55:50 UTC
Whew!

Always knew you were/are humble.

Excellent, must read and reread and reread this pen.
Sandy Giggles
2011-11-09 05:44:00 UTC
well said



well spoken



well done



well....



brilliance! this one is on the charts of faves!





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