Can you give this a read, let me know you thoughts?

Question

I'm serving a sentence and I don't know why,
Confined to the spaces of a broken heart
Spending summer over dark grey clouds
Tears molded to the tune of pain.
It's a crime to be--- in love with her.
Everyday seems like its hers.

I pleaded guilty in exchange for love.
like an addict, chasing the dragon.
Hearing whispers, once again that she'd be mine,
Only to find out that my crime is love.
One last time, forever after, could be mine.

If only my crimes were punished by time.
I'm now survived by broken memories,
Even light has its shade of darkness,
If home is where heart is, I'm never getting back.

Opening Up, taking what was pure is your crime.
Pictures of you cut me open,
I continue staring, cause my pain is what keeps you alive.
Leaving things unsaid, I've accepted 'life'.

Thinking back;
Wise men said all is fair in love and war,
Failing to mention,
defending love is war.

Answer 1

I have two non offensive things to say.



I might have used "under" rather than "over" in S 1, L 3.



I'm also not sure that love can be equated to a crime. I get it in context, it just seems another way to say it could work.



My fave stanza is the last one. That pretty much sums up the reality of each sense presented.

Answer 2

Very good! A lot of thought gone into it Michael. Well composed.

Answer 3

Did you honestly write this?



If you did, fair play, it's fantastic..and It takes a lot for me to say that about poems!

Answer 4

I really do love it. Well written and it voices a torrent of emotions in every line.

Answer 5

I think it's really good ^^