firstly. somebody somewhere has put it into the mind of everyone on the planet the false notion that poetry has to be written in cuplet. it doesn't. avoid them. only use them to drive home a point. cuplets are very hard to write. because if you want to use them well, you need to mind your verbal stresses--poetry is meant to be read. unstressed rhymes only. never ever stress the rhyming syllabyl the second time. you can get away with it the first time.
if you want to use a stressed rhyme pattern you need to alternate and make a four-liner, an ABAB then if you want to be fancy follow that up with BABA. ok?
you screw up your meaning by working too hard on the rhymes. give up on rhyming. I implore you.
in poetry every word counts. you can't just think in definitions, you have to remember to connotate.
arrighty: I'm going to edit it for you, and I'll not adulturate your rhyme structure much, since you're so attached to it. I recomend a rhyme-ectomy until you get better with the act of writing your basic poem.
"Please Lie to Me"
Please lie to me; tell me it's alright
{you can insert something here to rhyme if you like, but it was wasted space before.
Tell me what my heart wants to hear
Protect me from my fears {careful of your little words, little words go a long way, they control the rythm and cadence of the poem-- on the word fear, if you use the word 'fear' you have to define the fear, or you ought to.}
You're not here for me, but say that you are {I'm not sure what do to with this line. it's pretty weak. but I can't do much to help except decrease the stress on the word 'are.' avoid conjunctions unless you really need them. I know shakespeare invented the bloody things but he used them in words like it ( 't)}
{not needed. 'shining star' is cliché too. avoid cliché. note please, the word 'cliché' mm? the stress is on the last letter, the e, that's the point of the accent. one of my least favourite things about english is that we don't tend to have written accents or derisi (as in naïve)}
{this entire couplet it weak. I'd say you ought to rewrite it entirely, it's a key one, I can tell that. so don't get pissed. mm? it needs to be good because it ends the idea in the poem. this is the time for that unstressed rhyme. careful of cliché even mild ones.}
Please lie to me: say you understand
Please don't break my heart {simplier, more elegant, don't do that unless you're doing internal rhymes, and that's for advanced users only. I don't do that. reversed syntax is dificult to pull off because it can't detract from the meaning.}
Let me hear you voice again, 'though I know it will soon fade:
your love has left me, though mine ne'er strayed [sic] {ok, so that's way out of style, but that right there, was a chance to show you semi metered verse. isn't it gorgeous :-), you could use never for ne'er but it would detract some, as would adding the al onto 'though, that's to preserve rythm. as I said, small words count, try the first line without 'though, you'll see what I mean. read it to a cadence. the 'strayed' is an intentional misspelling hence [sic] which means, uncorrected spelling, ok? it's to help with pronounciation. I could write it for you sträd too, but that would just confuse you more, lol.}
Be with me!
I know that you want her;
new feelings of love,
[for*] in me begin to stir.
{allrighty, the for is optional. this is ABCB which is another way to offset and add a stress to the segment.}
You say there's no one but me
I know you lie, for in your eyes, 't can I see
{ok, soo... 't is ''it'' but without the I. the rules for using them go like this: only use if really nesicary. they're wierd and usually unnesicary. but that preserves the cadence there, so I'd keep 't (as opposed to ''it'') now, you can't follow a 't by a vowel it goes all funky in the mouth, so this is place to switch the syntax, which, I have so done.}
Please lie to me:
and be my friend.
Please stay close:
may you never end.
{beautiful. :-) I understand the feeling behind the orginal phrase, I've felt it too, but this method expresses it better, I think.}
you, I don't want to loose, so, will I play along;
you think I am weak, but you are wrong {in my mind I read I'm in poetry as "I emm". and I'll as "I l". don't do it to me man. don't please! juggling there for the right sound. trust me, it's gramatically correct. mind your end punctuation too, I've noticed you had none. just the occasional comma to spice things up eh-- it's not enough, mind your colons, semi-colons and periods. periods are rare. they create a long pause, a comma a very short pause, a semicolon a medium pause, a blank line the 'standard' pause, and a colon a pregnant pause. pauses matter almost as much as words, mind.}
Whatever you say, I will always believe
but I look into your eyes but they decieve {de-sieve, to remove a sieve. careful}
{doesn't fit in. so I took it out. it's like an apendectomy. you just have to eat more unpasturized cheeze.}
Please lie to me:
make me feel special and loved
{last line unnesicary, doesn't fit. think again.}
I know you think of her, and not me
But I am the lucky of the 3
{allrighty, just to be careful, this line sounds like stage two predatory stalker. granted, many things do. I would edit that last line to avoid making it sound creepy like that.}
You throw me around, and kick me to the side
We both know you can't always hide {from what?}
She may be the one who wins you heart
But she can have it, she had it from the start
{ouch?}
I hope you know what you have done
{new line here.}
I hope you are happy and filled with {insert a word OTHER than glee. daah me hates that word.} but you must know:
you lied to me.