Poetry: Feedbak on my song lyrics please? (Listen Please Listen)?

Question

Listen Please Listen

There's a nuisance going on alright
The picketers insist all f**king night
'Til their words lock a pattern into my head
I sing along to the overly rehearsed chants

Sing: "The Preacher has poisoned saliva
He likes to rub it in the minds of others"
Alternate lyrics scribbled on a thin sheet of wood
Adorned with images of the illiterate covered in soot

Is the floating crown just a cheap effect?
Oh, you sly pickpockets
You almost had me going there for a moment

There's a nuisance going on alright
The picketers insist all f**king night
'Til their words lock a pattern into my head
I sing along to the overly rehearsed chants

Sing: "There's more than one set of lips to feed
Give us all a share of the corporate greed"
Alternate lyrics scribbled on a thin sheet of wood
A collage of faces swimming in a tide of billboards

Is the floating crown just a cheap effect?
Oh, you sly pickpockets
You almost had me going there for a moment

The tunes
These tunes
Are so catchy

The tunes 
These tunes
Are so catchy

The tunes 
These tunes
Are so damn catchy

Thanks for reading

Answer 1

Hi, hugs and I do read all yer work I can catch, and have only one suggestion.



S 1, L 1 I'd change to "nuance" then keep nuisance after.



OK, is pick pockets like, pick my brains pockets? Just curious.

Answer 2

Nicely done, but you aren't committing to a stance.

Maybe that's the point.

Answer 3

Awesome! I really love them